The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
