bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
