we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
