just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
