dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
did you just send me my own nude
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
