You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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