these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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