I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
