Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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