I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
this just has baby written all over it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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