he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
