Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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