Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
