Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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