Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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