I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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