She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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