You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
