Swine flu. Run for my life!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
