He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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