So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
