Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
