I am in a vortex of obligation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize