He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
