Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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