I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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