It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
