What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
