ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
