just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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