I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
