The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
