I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
