Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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