she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
