No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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