I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
