I feel great
I just peed on a car
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
