I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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