So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
