Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
