This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
