I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
