Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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