No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
