Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
