not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
