If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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