somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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