Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
