so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
