Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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