is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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