there's paper in my vomit.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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