my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Two words: blizzard sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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