we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
