Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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