I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
