Can i not drive my cunt home
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
