the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
