Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
