would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
