were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Come see our sink grown plant.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
