She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
