apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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