happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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