Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
