i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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