Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
