dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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