he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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