She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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