There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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