I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
