If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
