I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
