that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
