I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
is that a dick in a sweater?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
