If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
