I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
