The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
